set and drift

jigsawn

most nights when i get introspective and examine Who I Am and Where I’m Going and Holy Crap Why Do I Do The Things I Do, i start feeling pretty uneasy.

i’m 24. shouldn’t i have things figured out by now? like, i don’t even know who my favorite band is or what my favorite movie is or if i want to own a TV or not when i move to a new city.
i’m even listening to that magic playlist on Spotify- you know, the Top Tracks that seemingly come from nowhere? i swear, I’ve never heard four of these songs and only listened to the other six about three times because my computer was on shuffle when i was in the shower and i couldn’t control the music.

i think part of me is defined by my shapeshifting abilities- which makes me really unsettled. i can connect with someone from the South just as much as i can connect with someone from Seattle because i have little bits of my heart in both places. but because i’m so much of a middle-of-the-roader, i wonder how much of me is missing. i’m not defined yet. i’m not anyone.

politically, socially, locationally, i’m some kind of amorphous blob that has vague opinions about certain situations but, really, i’m not a Person yet.

and maybe this is just part of being human- we’re all treading water as we try to appear to the rest of the world like we’ve got it figured out. and everyone’s so good at pretending except for the nerdy kids who just can’t multitask wondering if they’re ok alongside actually showing the world that they are. and let’s face it, most of the time i fall into the latter category.

enter the job hunt, and Why Should I Hire You and Who Am I and, well, i just don’t know. you should hire me. and i think i know about six different reasons why, but i’m not sure enough to actually say them. i haven’t been tempered by the world yet, i haven’t been crucible-ized and extracted and purified enough to know what makes me better than another person. i can only say that i probably won’t cause any trouble and i’ll work hard and i’m smart enough to not install a virus on the corporate mainframe.

i just want to enter the Real World- no, not the MTV show (again, because i don’t know why i should be on it other than the fact that i’m the Typical Christian Sheltered Boy from a “Small Town”) but the real thing. i just want to put in a good day’s work and feel accomplished and go home and see people i actually want to see and live a life i actually want to be living. i don’t want to get stuck living in a halfway home for twentysomethings, working in Denver just because it’s easy but not good. i don’t want to take a job because it pays enough for me to get by.

i don’t just want to remove pieces of myself until i fit in somewhere. i don’t want to be a piece in a jigsaw puzzle, cutting edges away and tacking them on elsewhere just to be part of this fabric of something i don’t belong in.

i want to actually live, i guess is what i’m saying. i want to live a life that only i can live. a life that i’m designed for.

my thought process re: putting in retainers

1. where’s the advil?
2. nope, it’s not gonna fit.
3. is it normal to drool this much?
4. i need to take off my watch so i don’t get spit all over it

[compartmentalized]

a while ago, my church did a series about compartmentalizing our lives.

and then with the debut of the ipad, the conversation turned from lives, to screens. we all have three screens in our life: the television, the computer, and the cell phone. who would be the first to saturate the infamous fourth screen in our lives? and now the conversation has shifted to an unforeseen fifth screen, a small wearable screen that replaces the watch in order to keep us constantly connected to one, if not several, other screen(s). see also: google glasses.

but i just read an article about inboxes. specifically, how most people have two inboxes: personal, and work. and how he’s envisioned a third inbox: the commercial one, where we all get the emails relevant to the deals and memberships and coupons we signed up for. so now i’m thinking about the compartmentalization of our digital lives. we already have a facebook and a linkedin, will a commercially focused network also rise up? when you think about it, it has a lot of really cool implications- both the inbox and the network. the inbox wouldn’t be checked regularly, probably. instead it’d be like an online coupon drawer that stores everything e-commerce you’d ever need. the commercial network would probably tie into that, stitching your current interests and sponsorships into a way for other companies to reach out and add you to their growing base of potential consumers, and you get a discount or some other perk while you’re at it. imagine a social network that transforms your “likes” into a commercial power- you “like” Target? sweet. come to a secret sale at the store with this coupon. you “like” Christopher Nolan movies? awesome. get advanced access to streaming trailers, character interviews, and maybe even enter to win tickets to the Batman premiere this summer.

i like this concept a lot because it removes the commercial crap from social media. it takes away the invasiveness of online ads and feeling victimized that facebook told an ad firm that you like Axe Deodorant. it removes the lameness of brands on facebook trying to garner attention for 15 seconds in between you stalking your high school crush (who is, yes, with child and now has a giant tattoo and wow- you dodged a bullet with that one).

anyway, just a thought. would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this one.

the road trip playlist, summer 2012 edition

featuring artists such as:

• punch brothers
• jack white
• m83
• jon mclaughlin
• the naked and famous
• two door cinema club
• the lumineers
• sigur ros
• david crowder band
• yellow ostrich
• seryn
• civil twilight
• iron and wine
• young man
• the temper trap
• john mayer
• maps & atlases
• chad vangaalen
• childish gambino
• grouplove
• lost in the trees
• stars
• ben sollee
• annuals
• and many more!

current playlist statistics:

511 songs / 34:06:14 run time / 3.71 gig

solo cross country driving.

well, next tuesday i’ll start one of my infamous road trips. infamous because i used to live tweet them, which basically means a stream of consciousness of whatever fart jokes i think are hilarious.

anyway, for once i’m not looking forward to the drive. i’m excited to move out of LA- don’t get me wrong- but i, in no way, am looking forward to a 17 hour sit-fest in my jeep driving through the hot southwest desert.

but! i’m trying to prepare myself. that means making some playlists. downloading new music. and avoiding my car at all costs this week.

if you have any music suggestions for me- roadtripping classics, new indie jams (my favorite), or a song that you just can’t get out of your head- let me know. i’ll appreciate it more than you know.

and if you refer me to BIRP i will smack you with the largest fish i can find in los angeles. it’s not that it’s bad music- it’s just a lot of variation in a single playlist. and they’re like, what, 300 songs each? it’s just too much to handle. that’s all.

so, you got any music suggestions for me?